What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Life in college can be very demanding, making it difficult to balance academics, family, friends and even basic needs like sleeping. On top of that it may seem impossible to overcome past trauma in a healthy way. One way to do this is to reflect on your feelings with a poem. Our peer educator, Janely Cardenas, does just this in her poem on reflecting, creating and expressing in the face of life’s tribulations.
In Moments of Sorrow: Reflect, Create, and Express
By: Janely Cardenas
I wrote this piece with tears in my eyes. I was actually having a really rough night; I was up late trying to study for a midterm while also trying to balance out my social and personal life. I felt so overwhelmed sitting at my desk. I had to leave my dorm. I grabbed my headphones and my phone and left. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew I needed to cry and I didn’t want to cry while my roommate was sleeping. I headed to the parking lot outside of my dorm, sat facing the trees, and sobbed. In the midst of this sobbing, I heard myself saying out-loud, “I’m tired, I’m tired.” That’s when I knew I needed to write out my thoughts. So, I opened up the “Notes” application on my phone and just typed away until I had nothing more to express. Here is what came out of that moment of sorrow.
That is what I am tired of… I’m tired of having to ask for validation, for opinion.. of caring for what others think about me, my presentation(s), my expression(s), my choice(s) My body feels tired, she feels exhausted Keeping and holding the opinions of others upon her flesh She is feening for freedom My spirit is wanting, begging for my body’s authenticity My body holds so much pain, years of violence, years of bad self talk, years of judgement, years of fearing rejection My spirit wants to be free in my body… I feel her reaching and almost having a full grasp every time she does decide to try… but my body seems to slip at the fingertips of my spirit like the sweet nectar that drips from my flower every time you touch me… “The body holds trauma,” my therapist said And she’s right. My body withheld, withholds, and remembers every experience Of childhood stress, sexual violence, assault, victim blaming, invalidation, gender stereotyping, misogyny, shame My body is TIRED. She wants to be herself, she wants to dance with my spirit…but she can’t… her insides are already full with vitamin trauma… there is no room for liberation
But I will make room… I will work with my body…love her tenderly My heart will whisper sweetly and gently to all of my body’s senses… Together: mind, body, heart, and spirit will thrive cohesively We will soon be at peace We will soon love ourselves endlessly We will soon be free The hands of my loved and dear ones will carry me there but I will be the one to lay my every essence on the bed of eternal serenity Finally able to breathe and finally able to be me